Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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