i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
