when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you traded sex for a burrito?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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