"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
