Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
