Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
