He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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