You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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