pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
