Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
