The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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