My sheets look like a crime scene.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
