i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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