Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
honey bunches of taint.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
