yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
