Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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