omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
