she told me i tasted like america
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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