She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am naked and annoyed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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