I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
