Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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