Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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