Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
