hotel room ftw
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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