I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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