I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
