I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
