I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
