Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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