drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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