I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude. I can hear the air.
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