I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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