Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
