Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
