I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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