I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
