to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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