mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so let's talk penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize