also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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