I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
