So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
