ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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