he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize