So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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