He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
