My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
