he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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