can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
