I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
