I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
