Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
