U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
