hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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