so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
