Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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