it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
