its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize