3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize