I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
