No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
