he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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