One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
