I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
