apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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