ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
