I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
