there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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