No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
