they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
