Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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