found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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