wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
