Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
