Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
