Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
